In defense of self

(no photographers were harmed creating this image)

Excuse my language but today I did a pretty kick-ass thing.  Just thinking about it; merely typing about this new adventure, gets my heart pounding and makes me all jittery inside.  Let me explain how awesome it was...and actually tell you what I did.

As a business owner, and as a woman, I have learned a thing or two about how to run a business and handle a plethora of situations.  Two things I will discuss:  1)  The inability or challenge to say, "No" to people we want to please.  2)  Saying "I'm sorry"...as in, saying it too much.

Growing up female, in the United States and in the *cough* 70's...I was told, taught, observed, that all "good girls" are helpful and help people whenever they can...even if you don't want to or it is somehow detrimental to yourself.

Saying, "Please," "Thank you," "I'm sorry" and using other pleasantries were demanded of all of the "ladies".....

Unlearning these behaviors are not easily.  Especially at my age.

I know, I know...get to the STORY!

Today was my first, introductory class of Krav Maga.

(Sweet baby Jesus, you say....What is THAT?)

You can Google it in all of it's awesome splendor.  But I will tell you this....I am IN LOVE.

Preparing for Kenya has got me thinking about things I don't usually think about in my capacity as a photographer.  One obvious one for me was to get into shape for my daily 7 mile hike in the desert (Unless it is the swampier rainy season).  The not so obvious one is...self defense.

BUT OF COURSE!

So I will skip to the the awesome parts of the class that I loved the most.  The whole class.

The class began with a warm up and then we played this flag football game...without the football.  We were to keep our "flags" we were wearing and remove the opponent flags around their waist.  I could have done this the whole hour.  I was literally giggling out loud like a school girl.  

(And I have not been a school girl for a very long time.)

After learning proper technique we practiced hitting and kicking other people.  It was such a workout.  I sweated from every pore on my body.  

Then came the attackers.  We were attacked on the ground and had to get the other person off of us before we could be choked to death (in theory).  It was shockingly easy and fun once I had down the technique and I could throw off other women or really big guys.  Size did not "appear" to matter and, actually seemed to work in my favor, somehow.  

Self discovery here:

I have NO idea (well, I do, actually...I blame my upbringing), why I could throw off a man with no apology, but every time I throw off a woman, I instinctively apologized and hoped she was Ok and that I hadn't hurt her.  It was SO lame.  At one point I would just start laughing because the apology would just slither out without a thought.  This made me mad at myself.  WHY did I have to say, "I'm sorry?"  Am I so programmed that I can't stop myself?  I don't have an answer to this question, but I can tell you that I'll be thinking about this a lot before the next class.  I will NOT apologize again for removing, "an aggressor."

The competitive part of me was really diggin'' this one guy who would kick at me like he was going to kill me.  When it was my turn to kick him I told him that I remembered that he had kicked hard I was going to kick back, hard!  Same with punches.  I took him from the middle of the floor all the way against the wall.  I don't think I was "suppose" to do that, but it felt damn good.

Now I'm empowered.  

(And will go back just to beat up that one guy.)

AWESOMENESS!

By September, I will be ready for Kenya.  I hope I won't have to use any of the skills I learn in the class, but if I do, I need to be ready.

So....Have an awesome week and challenge yourself.  You just might surprise yourself in what you can do or what you can learn about yourself.

My Grandfathers Hat

My grandfather was always larger than life to me.  He was large in stature, loud in volume, and needed things his way.  There was a chair that was his too....Both in the living room and the dining room.  And one had better move as fast as fire if you were sitting in it when he entered the room.  He was a dapper kind of man, too.  Not just because of the decade but because he was the union negotiator for Boeing.  He had to look serious and be serious...and a bit scary.  

There was always something mysterious about him for me.  When he retired, my grandmother and he purchased a Jet Stream trailer and hitched it to their 70's style truck and traveled from state to state, picking up souvenirs and stories and bringing them back to share.  My mother collected the postcards they would send and we would look at maps to see where they had been.  My grandparents were quite proud of their exploration of the United States.

My grandfather, being the dapper guy he was, had hats.  He had casual hats and dress hats.  Wool hats with a feather to one side, large straw hats, and my favorite....a suede and leather Indiana Jones kind of hat.  There are some photos of him without hats, but my favorite photos of him he is wearing a hat; even on vacation or on one of his adventures.  He wore his hats with style, attitude, and with a bit of a grin on his face like he was in on some sort of joke; always.

These hats my mother gave me after he died.  They were put in storage for several years...I just did not know what to do with them.  And then when I became a mom to a little boy, I knew just what to do.  My grandfathers hats ended up in my sons playroom.  Sometimes they were hung up high for decoration.  Sometimes they came down to wear and play with.  But they were often admired and would bring back fond, yet fuzzy memories of my own childhood.

Now I am looking at his hats and staring down the photo assignment to Kenya.  I have been spending WAY too much time looking online for clothing and supplies for the trip...including...looking for a suitable hat.  Why look any further?

This morning I tried on the Indiana Jones suede hat and it fit.  Not stylish on me, but it fit.  The hat is not waterproof, not packable, crushable, or washable.  It does not have a sweatband, but it does have vent holes.  No matter.  I am taking and wearing the hat to Africa.  My grandfather would have worn it and I think it would make him proud for me to wear it.  He never made it to Africa, but his granddaughter is going and will be bringing a bit of him in the form of a hat.  If the hat is lost, destroyed, stollen, eaten by a giraffe or falls off and is lost forever after running from a lion, I am OK with it.  It is the adventure for him and for me, that counts.  And if I end up leaving part of granddad there in Africa, I would be even more proud.  

That the man who walked me down the aisle at my wedding and gave me away at the altar is still helping me in life in the form of a really cool hat for my own adventures and travels in life...makes me smile.  

Thanks, grandfather!

Go Red!

What an honor it was to be chosen to photograph the American Heart Association Go Red Luncheon.  The  event was fabulous and well attended...and after the 3rd speaker, few eyes were without tears.  It amazes me that women in their 20's can have heart attacks...not something one thinks about unless they know someone who has had an attack.  It was  inspiring to hear the stories and a very important reminder of the symptoms of a heart attack (they differ from men's!)...And a very real warning that all women...I should say, EVERYONE, needs to take better care of themselves.  As one of the speakers said, "You take care of everyone and often neglect yourself.  Slow down!"  

So just stop it, OK?

I laugh when I say to you "take care of yourself" and "slow down" because I am SO am guilty of this too.  From 8am to 1:30 pm I was actively shooting this event.  I sat and stuffed my face between speakers and then would jump up when a new person was going to the podium to make sure I had them covered.  Then I would roam classrooms where there were presentations and scope out other angles from up high looking down, and all around.  I hate standing still for long.  Gotta keep moving.  It's just how life works, right?  You do what you have to do!  

It totally makes since that the American Heart Association Go Red event is in February along with Valentine's Day. It's about loving yourself enough to slow down to take care of your yourself...sometimes even first.  

Looking back at what I wrote almost makes me feel lame.  I am not trying to be sappy.  If anything this post is to remind me that I better step up and do a better job of being me.  I need to lay off the fat and sugar and jump on the treadmill more...not only for me...but for my family.  So this post, that has little to do with photography (except that I was there at the event to shoot it!), is more of a public promise that YOU get to hold me to.

So, Rock On this week and spread your awesomeness everywhere you go!  And keep reminding me, yourself, and all of the other women in your life to be good to themselves.

Love yas-

Jennifer 

PS-Photos here!   http://smu.gs/xtuhGM

Self doubt

Many months ago I was talking to another small business owner about the challenges and fears of being a business owner.  One of the topics that kept coming up was a bit of a surprise.  The woman who I was talking with is very self assured, motivated, outspoken and has a wonderful sense of self and motivation.....so I found it interesting when she admitted that fighting self doubt was one of the biggest challenges.  Some days, lets face it, we give into self doubt and just want to give up or just climb back into bed and pull the sheets up over our face.  But from HER?  No way!

It was enlightening!

Being stubborn, persistent and a bit arrogant and crazy are all very important in sustaining the drive to continue...with anything, perhaps.  Some days I know I need more help than others.
This week has been a weird week for me.  While there are some pretty big projects I have been working on  and I feel confident in my ability (including the usual research and trials), I found myself saying to myself "I suck" and "I am not good enough", and "why did they choose me?"  These questions are freaking me out because I don't know what the trip was that got me feeling that way.

My Business Manager hates when I get into these funks.  I think he said something like, "Artistic people are SO needy!"  (It was more of a groan than a true out statement.)

I guess what comes from these doubts and funks is something like motivation.  I mean, it could go both ways, right?  I could succumb to the doubt and just give up, or I can DO something about it...(which thankfully is what happens).  It usually means that I take a good hard look at what I have been doing and what I would like to do...and try to improve.  Make it better.  See things differently.  It means I die or I grow.  That is what I will be doing this week....growing in ability and inspiration.

 I hope you grow in your endeavor this week, whatever they may be...though without any doubt!